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COACHING PROGRAMMES

LIVE IT TO GIVE IT is Martha Beck’s motto. It says 'I’m genuine' – transparent, authentic and open. I’ve experienced the pain and despair that accompanies debt. I know what it’s like to be a woman who, after divorce, feels lost, angry; and possibly confused. I also know the joy and freedom letting go of blame and anger brings. I’ve always acknowledge the strengths in others - maybe that's a euphemism for jealousy!

It took a number of years before I had the courage to look within and recognise and value my own strengths. I also know the anguish and despair one feels when suddenly, it’s just you! No children; no one else to focus on; take care of. But, using one’s time creatively; pursuing your dreams and goals, builds confidence; gives birth to a new and exciting you! So, why not reinvent yourself? Become irresistible!

Without experiencing all the above, it would be impossible to understand the journey others need to take.

1.   SELF-DISCOVERY

From an early age we were taught to recognise the strengths in others and highlight the so-called weaknesses in ourselves. I have the opportunity to meet many young adults and those in their thirties. They are intelligent; some graduates in well-paid jobs. And they are those who are unsure of their skills; what they had to offer the world. Some are ensnared by cynicism and doubt. Because they lack belief in themselves, they see life as unfair; they blame their circumstances; constantly compare themselves to someone else whom they think is better, brighter, or more capable. But what I find common in most of those I meet is the false beliefs they hold.

The notion they 'should be' or 'should have achieved' and 'by no'! Always by now! At age thirty I haven't conquered the world; lived my dreams, therefore, I must be a failure. A terrible disappointment to my parents. Or, I meet the women in their late twenties/early thirties, desperate to have a family. And soon, because their body clock is ticking frantically. According to our social conditioning we should get married and have babies. Otherwise we’re not whole. I know the feeling. I've been there too! I speak at length about this in my book Finding Me.

Clouded by this haze of insecurity, they find it difficult to see the greatness in themselves; the gems that lay beneath the surface. No wonder they are so deeply lacking in confidence. My son once asked me a very profound question (he was about fifteen): "how does one get confidence?". I replied without the slightest hesitation: "by taking risks. Risk-taking helps you find your strengths; discover what you are made of. And, irrespective of the well-intentioned advice of others. Including mine!"

Risk-taking – the courage to brave the unknown, no matter how perilous the journey – is necessary for our growth, both spiritually and emotionally. But for some unexplained reason, we were taught to avoid it at all costs. Too hazardous. It’s better to be safe. Better the devil you know. If you can’t see the light, don't walk down the tunnel! No wonder people in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond feel so unfulfilled. They continue to live like lizards in the bush, They slightest rustle and they dart to safety. Until the next time!

When we lack passion – that dare to believe attitude – it is extremely difficult to discover what is possible for us to achieve and JUST DO IT!

2.   THE EMPOWERED PATIENT

In 1995 I discovered there was a problem with my heart valves. Naturally, I was beside myself with fear. But those fears quickly dissolved when my neighbour, a doctor, not only explained what was happening in my heart, but made sure I understood what he was trying to teach me. Then two years later – the big scare – heart surgery! I freaked! But my neighbour, in spite of his own life-threatening illness, answered my burning questions and allayed my fears. 'Heart surgery today is a doddle,' he would encourage. Thus, when I saw my surgeon for the first time I was armed with a list of questions, including those that had already been addressed by my neighbour. I like having 'second opinions'. So by the time I was ready to go under the knife I was excited! A true story! My surgeon would refer to me as his 'star patient'. Because of my confident attitude my healing was swift! Yours could be too!

Becoming an expert when it comes to our health is something we are rarely encouraged to do. In our culture we're taught to 'fear' doctors. Because they’re the experts, they know best. So when medical professionals say things we don’t understand, very rarely do we say we don’t understand. We nod politely; try to look interested, for fear of appearing foolish. And we hope that by carrying on listening we 'might' be able to work out what's being said to us. Any real questioning from patients is a 'no-no'. Because, in the patient’s view, doctors know best. On the other hand, some patients prefer to stay in the dark.

For over twenty years I sat in hospital waiting rooms with my daughter, Tiffany, who'd had heart and lung problems. And during those years, I observed patients with tremendous interest: their complaints, their misery, their blaming the doctors, nurses; the healthcare profession, the waiting time, the weather. There isn't much we can do about the weather, but we can do an awful lot about our psychology. Our fears about our health.

I developed an inquisitive attitude during the years I was accompanied by my father-in-law – a retired hospital consultant at the time – on hospital appointments with his granddaughter. He made sure I had the right education when it came to dealing with his NHS colleagues. And would gently encourage me not to take no for an answer; never leave the consulting room until I was satisfied with the assessment given.

There are a number of things I’ve learned over the years:

• Doctors like patients to have a more 'inclusive' approach to their health
• Doctors appreciate it when patients ask questions instead of nodding dispassionately
• Doctors are experts when it comes to medicine
• Patients are experts when it comes to their feelings, their psychology

In today’s technological world, anyone can Google their symptoms, or check out their existing diagnosed condition. Be informed, by all means, but use what you have learnt as a means to promote a positive discussion with your doctor. Self-diagnosis can sometimes lead to serious mistakes.

This six-hour workshop will provide numerous opportunities for participants to learn how to:

• Build their knowledge-base. Well-informed patients have improved life-control and activity. They often suffer fewer symptoms and are more resourceful.
• Develop the skills necessary to communicate effectively with healthcare professionals.
• Take control of their own health by gaining the knowledge required to build a healthy patient/doctor relationship.
• Understand the value in questioning doctors.
• Appreciate the fact that effective communication and respect, taking into account culture, attitudes and religious beliefs, are fundamental in the development of the patient/doctor relationship.

Expert or Empowered patients take their health seriously. They go beyond what they had previously believed: doctors are well-educated, and pompous, therefore scary. Expert patients communicate effectively with their doctors by seizing every opportunity to ask appropriate questions and learn more about their health. Wouldn’t you like to become an Empowered patient?

3.   SPECIAL NEEDS

It is my profound belief that the best in me was born out of having a handicapped child. She was my greatest teacher, my biggest fan! Taking this attitude to life has been hugely advantageous. It is my mission, I'm convinced. So in order to capitalise on the twenty-one-year experience I gained from mothering Tiffany, I embrace mothers with a similar destiny; a similar mission, and coach them for free. I am currently creating a workshop series designed for parents of disabled children: CARING with CONFIDENCE. www.raisingtiffany.com

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